046 – Where is my happily ever after

Written by on June 1, 2008 in Newsletter


The Art of Creative Expression: Islamic Relief Worldwide has teamed up with international singer and songwriter Zain Bhikha to offer a series of one-day workshops around the country for young people. Students will have the opportunity to watch Zain Bhikha demonstrate his skills, learn and practise techniques for writing stories, poems, and songs, and think about their lives and those of others from different perspectives. Islamic Relief believes there are four main elements that can be used to help bridge barriers that exist between Muslims and others: History; Religion; Culture and Art. Within the South African Muslim community these cultural aspects are either viewed as being not allowed, or only allowed within strict parameters. There are no current Islamic platforms that allow Muslim youth to learn about the arts in various forms. The programme offers an ideal opportunity to involve young people in cultural aspects such as song writing, poetry, and the written word. Workshops are highly interactive and promise to be great fun.The target group is Grades 8 to 10. For more information Islamic Relief: Art of Creative Expression

Where is my happily ever after?It’s no fairytale. Nor is it a Hollywood movie. “Happily ever after” is hardly ever as happy as you’d imagined it. Relationships are difficult; they need work and lots of it. If you neglect it, or think it should all magically fall into place, you’re in for a big (and perhaps nasty!) surprise. Here are some tips on how to nurture your relationship.Once the earth-shattering, butterfly-in-the-stomach phase of falling in love is over, you may think your relationship is lacking something. In reality, this is a natural progression, and is replaced by something much deeper and much more satisfying. If you put in what you want out, there’ll be nothing more rewarding. So roll up those sleeves and really pull your weight! So you’ve crossed the threshold into the “ever after”, but you’re not as happy as you thought you’d be. Suddenly you are always at each other’s throats and you’re starting to wonder whether you can live up to your commitment of “as long as we both shall live” (formal or not). Sometimes you wish you could get your money back..after all, you didn’t get your fairytale. If you thought your relationship is different or you are going to beat the odds and not have a difficult first year (or two, or three…) together, think again. Relationships are hard. In real life, the prince can be an ogre, the princess can be moody and there’s always work to be done in the castle. In fact, sometimes it feels more like a horror story than a fairytale. But there’s no need to fall victim to harsh reality. Your relationship can be magical again. Of course, you can’t expect it to change at the wave of a magic wand. It requires nurturing and hard work, and lots of it. (Someone send this email to me, thought would be nice to distribute: not sure the source)


Here is some fairy dust to aid you in your quest: 1. Do Daily Temperature Reading (DTR). Developed by Virginia Satir, one of the key figures in the development of family therapy, using this method demonstrates your desire for the relationship to succeed. Take time to write down the following each day (or which interval works best for you) and exchange it with your partner:

  • Appreciations. Whatever you feel good about, let your partner know. When you see something in your partner you appreciate, express it with words and gestures
  • New Information. Intimacy thrives only when both partners know what is going on in each other’s lives. It may be related to work, family, gossip, fears, interest, anything and everything, trivial and important, that helps keep your partner up on your state, mood and generally, what’s going on in your life
  • Puzzles. If there are things you don’t understand that your partner could clarify, ask for clarification
  • Complaints with Requests for Change. No personal attacks and judgements. The idea is to provide information. Romance may thrive on mystery, but intimacy doesn’t. Try this format: “When you… I feel…, What I want instead is..”
  • Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams. If your expectations are different from mine, it doesn’t make one of us noble and the other not. It just means we are all different and therefore have different expectations. The more we can be aware of these expectations and talk about them, the more possibility there is that we will reach some middle ground
  • When you want to talk about something that is bothering you, be careful how you start the discussion. Conflict can escalate rapidly if one person makes a dramatic, angry remark in a confrontational tone. Using “I” messages, state your problem gently so the other person will be more likely to listen
  • 2. Don’t utter every mean remark that comes to mind. Studies show that couples who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing touchy subjects are the happiest
    3. Be willing to be influenced by the other. Don’t get annoyed or offended by requests to change, or positive criticism. See it as useful information, think about it and be willing to change some of the time
    4. Stop arguments before they get completely out of control. Try saying something caring; making it clear you’re on common ground (“This is not your problem; it’s our problem.”); yielding because you think it’s the best thing to do; tossing in some humour, and offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his/her feelings along the way (“I do appreciate your being willing to talk about this”)
    5. Kiss and make up. A willingness to make up after an argument is central to a happy relationship. Even if attempts to make repairs are clumsy, each partner should try
    6. Welcome and integrate change. A commitment is a vow to stay together, not to stay the same. You and your partner will grow and change. Discuss the wishes, hopes, beliefs and dreams you’ve listed in your DTR and try to adjust your relationship accordingly
    7. Be se xu ally considerate of each other. Be affectionate. Remember that your drives may be different
    8. Be positive and optimistic. No one wants to live with a grouch. Look on the “bright side” or see the “glass half full”. In a happy relationship, couples make five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship, than negative ones
    9. Talk to each other. Your partner can’t read your mind, even though you want him or her to. Be clear about what you want to say, and listen twice as much as you talk (that’s why we have two ears and one mouth)
    10. Spend time together. Make time to have fun together. It may mean giving up some activities, scaling down at work, putting the kids to bed earlier, or asking your mother-in-law to baby-sit once a month so you can go away for the weekend
    11. All couples have as many as ten issues they will never resolve. If you switch partners, you’ll just get ten new issues (remember, 6 of one and half-a-dozen of the other!), and they are likely to be more complicated the second time around. A better choice might be to continually work on those issues yourself, or with the help of a counsellor
    12. Seek help early if either person is dissatisfied. The average couple waits six years before going to couples counselling. That’s a long time to be unhappy!


    “Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace.” Eugene o Neill


    Ahmed Shehab – 60 Ways To Keep Your Wife’s Love, and the romance alive!

    This is a very beautiful and touching talk. Infact even non-muslims would benefit so much from this talk that their relationships would be so much better. HIGHLY recommend you watch this if you don’t want to end up in divorce.. Just the little things you do such as surprising your wife with gifts is how you can keep the romance alive.. Make good notes and study them well and you will see the happiness in your wife’s eyes. Also sisters can watch this as the advice can be applied towards the husband too!


    Tuesday, May 27
    Sandton: Beauty and the BEE
    Thursday, May 29
    Johannesburg: Rooms on view
    Saturday, May 31
    Durban: Natal Settlers’ Home Fete
    Brixton: Zain Bhikha: Art of Creative Expression – Boys
    9:30am Mayfair: Ladies only Programme: Role of a woman in Islam
    Sunday, June 1
    Brixton: Zain Bhikha: Art of Creative Expression – Girls
    Crosby: Regular Fun run / walks
    Click here for more events information


    How famous is Nanima?Not only is there a suburb in Australia named after Nanima. A Man Utd player was so happy to see what we are doing he decided to call himself Nani. Halala Nani Halala for winning the Champions league.


    Monaco Grand Prix – Results

    1 Lewis Hamilton McLaren 2:00:42.742
    2 Robert Kubica BMW Sauber + 3.064
    3 Felipe Massa Ferrari + 4.811
    4 Mark Webber Red Bull + 19.295
    5 Sebastian Vettel Toro Rosso + 24.657
    6 Rubens Barrichello Honda + 28.408
    WI v Aus Australia won by 95 runs
    Eng v NZ England won by 6 wickets
    Eng v NZ Match Drawn
    Rugby Super 14
    Waratahs 28 13 Sharks
    Crusaders 33 22 Hurricanes
    Football Champions League
    Man Utd 1 1 Chelsea
    Black Leopards 1 0 Kaizer Chiefs
    Golden Arrows 2 2 Ajax Cape Town
    Bloem Celtic 2 1 SuperSport United



    Rajasthan Royals 22
    Kings XI Punjab 18
    Chennai Super Kings 16
    Delhi Daredevils 15
    Kolkata Knight Riders 13 RR= -0.147
    Mumbai Indians 13 RR =+0.531
    Bangalore Royal Challengers 13 RR= -1.161
    Deccan Chargers 4


    1 Tiger Woods 20.21
    2 Phil Mickelson 10.19
    3 Ernie Els 5.95
    4 Adam Scott 5.85
    5 Geoff Ogilvy 5.47
    6 Steve Stricker 5.40
    7 Jim Furyk 5.29
    8 K.J. Choi 5.24
    9 Vijay Singh 5.16
    10 Sergio Garcia 5.15

    2008 FIA Formula One Drivers’ World Championship

    1 Hamilton, L McLaren 38
    2 Raikkonen, K Ferrari 35
    3 Massa, F Ferrari 34
    4 Kubica, R BMW Sauber 32
    5 Heidfeld, N BMW Sauber 20
    6 Kovalainen, H Renault 15
    7 Webber, M Red Bull 15
    8 Trulli, J Toyota 9
    9 Alonso, F McLaren 9
    10 Rosberg, N Williams 8
    11 Nakajima, K Williams 7
    12 Vettel, S Toro Rosso 4
    13 Button, J Honda 3
    14 Barrichello, R Honda 3
    15 Bourdais, S Toro Rosso 2 2 c

    2008 FIA Formula 1 Constructors’ World Championship

    1 Ferrari 69
    2 McLaren 53
    3 BMW Sauber 52
    4 Williams 15
    5 Red Bull 15
    6 Toyota 9
    7 Renault 9
    8 Honda 6
    9 Toro Rosso 6


    Are you killing your Bonsai?

    Does your Bonsai tree look like a twig in a pot? Have you all but given up trying to revive your once beautiful miniature tree? Well don’t despair just yet, help is at hand with the following tips It may be time to prune your Bonsai tree. If you haven’t touched it since you bought or received your tree its probably a good idea to whip out your secateurs and give it a haircut. There’s no need to go mad, but a quick prune could be just what the doctor ordered in helping to revive your Bonsai tree. However, pruning the top of your Bonsai may not be enough; you may also need to trim the roots too. In actual fact, if you do any major pruning to the top of the tree you should also do the same to the base. Again, there’s no need to go mad as a lot of damage can be caused but generally its ok to trim about one third of the root system. Is your Bonsai pot the best possible match for your tree? Although colour and shape play a critical part in the art of Bonsai they are not critical to the growth of your tree. What is critical however is the size of your pot in relation to your Bonsai. In general, your Bonsai pot should be about the same size wide as the longest branch, and about as deep as the trunk is wide. If your Bonsai pot is either too big or too small it may be worth investing in one that your tree will appreciate better. Correctly watering your Bonsai tree is essential. Too much water and you run the risk of rotting the root system. Whereas, too little water will cause your miniature tree to dry out and shed its foliage. Remember most Bonsai trees like to be moist all of the time. This will generally mean watering your tree a little everyday so as to keep your tree healthy. Its also worth mentioning here that most Bonsais will shed there foliage naturally around autumn as they prepare for being dormant through winter. So if your Bonsai has started to drop leaves it maybe just the time of year and nothing to worry about. Often changing the soil of your Bonsai can work wonders. A good quality potting compost mixed with sand or grit to aid drainage is normally sufficient. However, it may be a good idea to use specific Bonsai soil. These are specifically designed to have better water retention than standard soil and also provide better nutrients and gases all essential in growing a healthy Bonsai tree. By Robert Funge



    Send us your Wedding Announcements

    Mohammed Surty of Actonville Benoni to Rubeena Moolla of New Modder Benoni
    Aslam Wazar of Kinross to Fahima Moola of Trichardt
    l Yusuf Bemath of PE to Fatima Vawda of Durban
    Arshad Ismail of Lenasia South to Yasmeen Banoo of Newcastle
    Yusuf Badsha of Azadville to Fadila Hossein of Vryburg
    Faheem Dawood of Shakaskraal to Farzanah Vawda of Tongaat
    Mufti Ebrahim Pandor of Newtown to Maymoona Laily of Actonville
    Yasser Moosa of Lenasia to Surayya Omar of Pretoria
    Radio Islam Nikah Page


    Send us your Birth Announcements


    Chocolate Cake

    4 eggs, separated
    170g Huletts White Sugar
    60ml (4 Tablespoons) cocoa
    60ml warm water
    75g butter (brick margarine), melted
    2ml vanilla essence
    160g flour
    10ml (2 teaspoons) baking powder
    30g (+/- 5 teaspoons) Huletts White Sugar
    150g butter (brick margarine)
    280g Huletts Icing Sugar
    A few drops vanilla essence
    12.5ml hot water
    45ml (3 Tablespoons) cocoa, sifted
    Chocolate vermicelli
    Strawberries (optional)
    METHOD 1,2, 3
    1. Prepare moderately hot oven (190 degrees).
    2. Grease two 20cm baking pans.
    3. Blend the egg yolks and the 170g sugar till thick and smooth.
    4. Blend the cocoa with the water and add the butter (margarine) and vanilla essence separately.
    5. Pour into the egg mixture and continue beating till well blended.
    6. Fold in sifted flour and baking powder.
    7. Separately whisk the egg whites and add the 30g of sugar and beat until soft peaks form.
    8. Fold into the cake mixture.
    9. Pour into baking pans, bake for approximately 35 minutes.
    10. Turn out on cooling rack to cool.


    1. Cream butter (margarine), sugar and essence together, then slowly beat in the water and cocoa.
    2. Sandwich the cooled cakes with a little of this and spread the remainder over the top and sides. Press vermicelli onto the sides and sprinkle on top of the cake. Add chocolate truffles or fruit (strawberries or black cherries are nice) if desired.


    Child Care

    Orange Farm Orphanage This is a Madressah run by Apa Khadija.They range from 3 years old up to teenagers ,they have one house for all the boys and 1 house for all the girls. for more information contact she will be making a parcel for the madressah.
    Overport I am a grandmother who has a little 18 month old boy who stays off Brickfield road in Oakleigh Street Overport. We are Looking for a good reputable daymother or creche. Preferable in Overport. Mother works on the beachfront at Four Seasons Hotel. If you could help or assist with contacts it would be much appreciated. 0825958929
    Lakefield I’m looking for child care Half day I.e. from 9 to 2:30 pm (lakefield)


    Overport A female student requires a qualifed, female tutor to help with Grade 12 (old syllabus) studies. Should be able to help with all subjects, including Physical Science. Wishes to start immediately. Preferably from areas in and around Overport.
    Johannesburg I am South African female who reverted to Islam about 4 years ago. The only thing I do to observe is ablutions and fasting during Ramadaan. This lack of knowledge pains me everyday. Please help me find a women’s group which caters for recently reverted Muslim women to attend.
    Lenasia I would love to take some cooking lessons,so could you please let me know if this service is available(when,where)


    Nirvana Selling Arabian Hair Oil Cell: 0827867882
    Johannesburg Looking for someone that puts Henna/Mehndi in Mayfair area?

    Nani’s Taxi

    Actonville I am urgently looking for transport from Actonville to Ormonde as from Monday the 02 June 2008. My working hours are from: 08h00 to 16h30.
    Johannesburg- The HillLooking for daily lift from The Hill (South, JHB) to start work in Bryanston at 8. Then leaving Bryanston, Sandton at 5 back to The Hill.

    Boarding and Lodging

    Witbank/Emahlahleni17 old year white male, interested in 2 meals a day(breakfast, supper) and a bed to sleep in 072 686 2849


    Johannesburg Transport and Removals For all your transport needs, furniture and rubble removals, be sure to give me a call. I have a two ton truck bakkie that is on call 24hrs per day. No job is too big or too small and I also transport goods to other provinces too. I charge R250 per load, anywhere around Johannesburg. “I will beat the best quote!” So be sure to call Eddie at 0726302578



    MF39 30 Islamic Educator Divorced 1 child wears purdah, enjoys baking, reading,teaching listens to Nazms, inspirations, CII, Q&A, Favourite holiday was Umrah Seeking Deeni inclined, independent man aged between 30-40 who does not have kids and doesn’t watch TV.
    MF4029 Female Islam Accountant Single 29 Yr Old Muslim female (never married). 1.65 m tall. Listens to Pop and Rock Enjoyed reading Catcher in the Rye Favourite holiday was Ireland Seeking A 30 to 35 yr old Muslim Male who is open minded, Islamic, humorous and independent.
    MF24 30 Commodity Manager Single A 30 yr old, 1.68m tall, muslim female who is both Islamic and professional. Wears hijab at all times. I am 1.68m tall. Believe that success is important in every sphere of life. Keeping positive thought and being grateful to ALMIGHTY ALLAH for all bounties HE has bestowed upon us is just as important. Ten pin bowling, writing poetry. Naaths (By Owais Qadri) Tess of the D’ubervilles by Thomas Hardy Satellite Islam (Islam TV) Cape Town, haven’t been abroad yet Seeking A mature (31 – 40yr old) muslim male 1.8m or taller, who has never been married. Preferably has tertiary qualification. A good, true muslim who is a 5 time namaazi and lives his life according to the sunnah. Must want to gain more knowledge of deen. Employed and highly successful. A non-smoker, some one who will always be honest, loyal, patient and rational.


    MM21 34 Islam ( Ahlay Sunnat Wal Jamaa’t, Hanafi,Possess Deobandi school of thought Debtors Controller, Computers, Business Divorced One Son staying with mother I’m 5ft 8inches tall, very fair complexion, Now days little bit over- -weight (but used to do gym, exercises, etc, willing to become handsome again with the help of wife), brown eyes, people say good looking. Enjoys Fish Keeping/breeding, Reading magazines,National Geographical Society, Book reading, to benefit the company of pious buzurks, Sigh seeing, visit Nature Reserve, Zoo, etc) Listen Quran, Nazams, etc Reads Quran, Islamic books, Popular Science, National Geographical Society, Some I don’t watch TV, If some time in future via any media then very important events, National Geographical Society, Live Broadcast from Makah and Madina. Favourite Holiday was All kind of Natural places where I can breathe fresh air, feel freedom, can see the beauty of nature so that my heart makes Tasbeeh of Allah Talla’ and the sight seeing remind me the beauty of everlasting Jannat, Obviously Makkah and Madina. Wife that is possess good character/Aklaaq,good family background,good looking,suitable life partner,kind,caring,loving, understanding, compromising
    MM22 30 Male Islam Engineer in IT/Telecoms Single 160 cm tall, athletic, with specs, Golf, cricket A female between 21-32 years, preferable with a tertiary education and keen on a career in future.
    MM2340 male Muslim Project Manager – Engineer Divorce One staying with the mother I am a revert Muslim for 4 years. I am Caucasian (White) have brown hair and blue eyes. I am 1.86 m (6 ft 1in) 95kg. My star sign is Pisces .I am a very social person, I love going out .. to many different places.. I have a great sense of humour, am very active and enjoy doing spur of the moment fun things. Golf All Sports Cape town I am looking for an active, sporty, healthy person with a great sense of humour. I like an intellectual woman who has the ability to have dynamic conversations. I need a (pious) woman but not to pious to teach me more and guide me to Islam I don’t enjoy mind games, they are so easy to win

    For all those looking for a soulmate

    Make a secret love list.

  • Write down what you are looking for in a marriage partner. (i.e Qualities, features, interests etc.)
  • Be specific and realistic, don’t build up false expectations
  • Write down what your intentions are to get married, why do you want to get married?
  • Don’t be shallow, superficial, clingy, needy materialistic and desperate
  • Don’t let the reason you looking for a partner be to fill a void and emptiness in your life.
  • Drop all old baggage and deal with your issues before you get into a marriage
  • Forgive and let go of the past
  • Be free from anxiety, resentment and fear
  • Be grateful for all the blessings in your life
  • Be at peace and happy with your life before you make this list.
  • Put list away, forget about it and surrender to the will of Allah.
  • Good things come to those who patiently persevere. InshaAllah.
  • It is like you ordering your perfect mate from Allah.Who better to ask from and make dua for what you are looking for in a soulmate then the Maker of souls. This list worked for me how do you think I found Madala.

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