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Forum » Parenting » Working mothers » How to balance career and motherhood

Pages: [1]

Author	Topic: How to balance career and motherhood

helpinghan-
d

Newbie
Posts: 3

How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 2, 2011, 14:25

Salaams Nanima,

I hope you or someone else can help me with much needed advice. I'm in my late twenties and leading a very successful career, Alhamdulillah. However, I would also like to start a family sometime soon. The problem I am experiencing is that I want to successfully balance my career and having a family, without the guilt! I would love to hear from other women in the same position as myself that have accomplished this. Ideally I would like to work half days with a Muslim nanny to look after my child from 7am to about 2pm. Is it possible to find reliable Muslim nannies? I can't seem to find any on the net in Jhb. I wish my parents lived in Jhb to help me, but unfortunately I am not that lucky! I do have my in-laws in Jhb but am not keen to have them staying with me to look after my children - I think it's an unhealthy situation. PLS can you or others offer some advice or tips. Other Muslim women that I have spoken to tell me that my priorities are all mixed up and that I should be a full time Mom. What exactly is the Islamic viewpoint on all this? The honest truth is that I do not have to work and my husband is able and willing to support me and a family. It is more for my personal well-being (i.e. I enjoy what I do) that i would like to pursue this route.

JazaakAllah!

distraught-
brother

Newbie
Posts: 13

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 2, 2011, 16:36

Sister

I don't mean to sound harsh but unfortunately this is the only way I know how to aptly put it to you...
You can't have your cake and eat it too
My aunt's work is very demanding and as a consequence she hardly ever gets to spend much time with her little one(maybe 3 or so hours a day on average). She herself even says its better for the mother to stay home with the child and would do it if she could.
I'm not saying your situation is exactly the same as hers. You mentioned that you could work part time. However I still feel that when you have a young child and a career. One of them is bound to be neglected...

distraught-
brother

Newbie
Posts: 13

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 2, 2011, 16:37

Sister

distraught-
brother

Newbie
Posts: 13

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 2, 2011, 16:38

Sister

distraught-
brother

Newbie
Posts: 13

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 2, 2011, 16:38

Sister

distraught-
brother

Newbie
Posts: 13

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 2, 2011, 16:39

Sister

someone

Newbie
Posts: 3

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 2, 2011, 20:25

Slmz helping hand

I was very successful in my career then married and had a child. I must admit that in the year that I was at home with my child I was very sad and felt very unstimulated. I am still a stay at home mum but will be going back to work next year. Yes it will be very difficult, stressful and yes my child will probably not have as much time with me. I think it is ideal if you can work half day then do it. The last thing you want is to feel remorseful about not working and that will probably drive you a bit crazy. You have been studying and working since the age of 5 and I believe a woman can do both. You just will need to really have a good routine for cooking and make things easy so you not very stressed out. I know of many women who do both and look fantastic doing it.

One more piece of advice: remember that its not how much time you spend with your child but rather the way the time is used. So spending a very fruitful 2 hours with your child every day is better than being at home the whole day without spending quality time with your child.

Whatever your decision may Allah make it easy for you and remember that Hadhrat Khadija (RA) was a successful businesswoman who Prophet Mohammed (SAW) used to work for.

Da1

Newbie
Posts: 1

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 3, 2011, 09:13

Salaams helping hand

U will feel guilt when leaving your child. That's normal. Muslim nannies are a bit hard to find. Rather try to find a muslim day care or day mother. When your little one is sick or a bit difficult in the mornings it may be a bit stressful to drop them off. It's a catch22 situation. If you are able to juggle life, it could work well. I managed working, leaving my son with my mum-in-law. I loved working and coming home to spend time with my children after a break from them. However, it was very difficult for him when my mum-in-law passed away suddenly. No one else could give him the attention and security he needed, so I left work but changed professions so that he could be with me as I hated being at home all the time. It was great. We really had fun, travelling to work together but life was really hectic. I had everyone in the family and myself on a strict schedule. I coped and loved my independance. If you enjoy what you do, I don't see why you should give it up, but just keep an eye that it doesn't become too stressful for you. Every child and marital situation has their own strains. Allah make it easy for you, whatever you decide.

helpinghan-
d

Newbie
Posts: 3

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 3, 2011, 10:33

Shukran ladies, it's so comforting to know that you have dealt with this successfully, in your own unique way. Loving mum, I am hoping inshaAllah to be able to work half days. Do you think it becomes a bit impossible to balance both successfully if one has to work full days? I have no idea how the negotiations with my colleagues are going to turn out (it's a small financial services company so it makes things a tad more complicated).
Anonymous: I guess it's different for everyone, only Allah knows best. I think it will be wise for me to try it out and if it doesnt work out I can always leave.
Newbie: Did you not have issues with your mother-in-law and child? i.e. them wanting to live with you or being overprotective? Sorry if I sound rude, I'm just curious. Would you happen to know of any day mothers or Muslim day cares in the Sandton area?

I always wonder what the Islamic viewpoint on all this is. Times are so different now compared to how it was during the Prophet (SAW)'s times. These days we don't live in an extended family set-up and if we do, there are always bound to be issues. What would Allah want us to do? These questions plague me as my mum was a stay-at-home mum and she saw to every small need of ours and enjoyed it. She always says that it's the best thing she ever did and she doesn't regret it as my siblings and myself turned out Alhamdulillah. She isn't at all thrilled with my ideas of working whilst being a mother.

They say the most important years of a child's life is the 1st 2 years and it's important for the mum to be there. I wish I could take 2 years off from work but it would negatively affect my career quite drastically. I wish there was a ready made solution! At which point does one become selfish? Sorry, these are my random musings...

JazaakAllah again!

FZL

Newbie
Posts: 1

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 3, 2011, 12:46

Salaams,

I am mom of 8 month old and work full-time!!!
Over the last 3 years my career was very successful Alghamdulillah and 6 months after my biggest promotion, i fell pregnant. The same questions plagued me about how i would cope, whether i could cope, if i should resign and stay home or not, who will look after her etc etc..

In truth, there is NO easy way out of this. It is said that with the birth of your child..Guilt is born!!!

I decided to stay at work, more so becuase we are not in the financial position for me to be at home, as much as i would love to.
I know that every child needs his/ her mother and i often feel very guilty about it as my mum was a stay-at-home mum too and i remember how wonderful it was to have her there when i got up in the morning or came back from school...
But in todays times, thats not always possible!

Hubby and I decided to hire a full-time nanny to look after the little one as my MIL doesnt live close by and my mum is not in the best of health.
My days are LONG and very tiring and you just have to keep going. When you become a mum...you dont get days off!
You have to learn to balance life out with work, home, hubby, cooking, cleaning, a baby, feeding, bathing, changing, and the list goes on. Sometimes i wish tehre were more hours in the day.
A typical day for me...
Alarm goes off at 5:30am
Get up, bath, get breakfast for hubby and I ready, pick up things around the house, Get dressed.
Set out babies clothes, food etc for the day.
Hubby and I leave the house at 7am for work.
I hav an exceptionally busy day, seeing clients, running 3 x IT Companies etc.
5pm, knock off work and get home by 6pm.
Then my second job starts...i have to spend qulaity time with my baby as she yearns for us during the day, I have to cook, & give her her bath, feed her, dish up supper, clean the kitchen...family time and by 8:30pm baby is sleeping.
She is teething so generally wakes up once or twice a night which leaves me with about 3-4 hours sleep per night as after we put the baby down, hubby expects quality time, i get things ready for the next day etc etc etc...
Days are hectic, time is too little, exhausted ....BUT you know what....i wouldnt change it for anything!!!

I love my daughter and she is the most precious gift i could ever have been given!
My job is so rewarding and in all honesty..its a bit of a break from the 24 hour cycle of changing nappies, bottles etc. We all need our sanity!

You have to do what is best for you...dont let anyone tell you otherwise!
Everyone will give you their opinion on what THEY FEEL IS RIGHT..but only you are in the boat you are in!
Dont ever let a job stop you from the joys of Motherhood...Its a blessing like no other and you can make it work!!!
It might be a bit messy and choatic...but thats all part of the fun!!!

About the nanny, finding a Muslim nanny is near impossible. A Muslim Day mother may be easier and i know there is one in the Marlboro area???
It is very leaving leaving your little one with a stranger as you automatically feel like you can things better...but its something we have to do! My little one is very happy with her nanny and i trust her

Good Luck
XXX

helpinghan-
d

Newbie
Posts: 3

Re: How to balance career and motherhood
on: August 3, 2011, 16:31

Salaams FZL,

Wow, sounds like u lead a very busy life! I'm just thinking, in all of this, do u ever make time for yourself? Shukr, glad to hear u r enjoying every bit of it. I like your statement: 'It is said that with the birth of your child..Guilt is born!!!' I'm sure that holds true for many women out there, sadly! I wish this country was more accomodating of working mothers. Apparently, in Australia for example, maternity leave can last upto 2 yrs and women get a subsidy for staying at home and looking after their children! inshaAllah I hope it gets easier for u and that Allah make it easy for all mothers out there